Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than children because they:
1. Animal Humor. Cat and dog jokes. Funny dog quotes Eat less.
2. Usually come when called.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Don’t ask for money all the time.
5. Don’t drink or smoke.
6. Don’t hang out with friends who use drugs.
7. Never ask to drive the car.
8. Don’t have to have the latest fashions.
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes.
10. Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children


Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
“Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”
Son: “But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”
Mother: “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
Son: “Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers too hate me”
Mother: “Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”
Son: “Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”
Mother: “Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!”