Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.

Blowing out candles is good exercise for the lungs.
The only assured gift that every one of us gets on our birthday is another year.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked. ‘It’s my birthday!’ he hollered. ‘And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there’s to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. .
.’ and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard.
‘But that’s lovely,’ said the old lady. ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Because I’m lost!’

Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.I told my computer that today is my birthday,and it said that I needed an upgrade.

BoyFriend: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.


BoyFriend: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

Man l: “I got my wife a VCP for her birthday”
Man 2: “Don’t you mean a VCR?”
Man 1: “No, a VCP . . . Very Cheap Present!”

Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday?
Harry: Sure. It’s a great present but I just can’t find the words to thank you enough.

“I’m giving a ‘surprised’ birthday party for you.”
“A ‘surprised’. birthday party? What’s that?”
“That’s where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I’ll be surprised!”

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.
Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. “Oh, I don’t know”, she said. “Just give me something with diamonds”.
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

Q. What was the average age of a cave man?
A. Stone Age!

Q. What goes up and never comes down?
A. Your age!

Q. What party game do rabbits like to play?
A. Musical Hares!

Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Thanks. I’ll never part with it!

Q. Why was the stationmaster’s son having a cake on a train seat?
A. It was his berth-day.